Tooth and Claw
by Karma-k2
Summary: As a favour to the Tok'ra, SG1 check out a supposedly barren planet. The result? A VERY unhappy SG1 is fuzzy on the details. First 2 chapters written by Phoenix dash Cry and then adopted out to me.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

"Well, so far I'm unimpressed," Jack growled.

"Jack, we've been here less than thirty seconds." Daniel countered. "Sam and Teal'c haven't even made it through the Gate yet."

Daniel waved his hand at the active wormhole just as Teal'c stepped through, followed quickly by Sam. Jack looked them over, looked around at the heavily forested world, and then back at Daniel.

"OK, we're all here...can we go home now?" Jack asked seriously.

"The Tok'ra seem to believe this world has suddenly become important to one of the Gou'ald that they watch," Teal'c stated. "Should we not explore it?"

"No," Jack said firmly. "If the Tok'ra think it's so important _they_ should be exploring it."

"Sir, they don't have the resources," Carter pointed out. "They asked us to come here as a favour."

"I'm getting sick of doing them 'favours'," Jack said sourly.

"Jac..." Daniel started.

"Half and hour, then we're going home," Jack said firmly. "Carter, send the MALP back through."

"Yes, Sir."

Sam went over to the DHD and dialled the Gate back to the base. Daniel looked around the immediate vicinity and when he found nothing of interest he started to wander off down the path that led away from the Gate.

"Daniel," Jack called. "Where are you going?"

"Half an hour isn't much time to explore an entire planet, might as well get started," Daniel replied over his shoulder.

"Teal'c go with him. **Try **to keep him out of trouble."

Teal'c nodded and headed down the path that Daniel had taken. Sam watched the active gate snap shut just after the last of the MALP slip through the event horizon. Turning around she found Jack looking generally irritated.

"Something wrong, Sir?"

"Yeah...we're wasting our time here."

"You think the Tok'ra have sent us on a wild goose chase," Sam smiled.

"The thought crossed my mind."

"I doubt they would do that. If the Gou'ald are interested in this planet, there must be something here."

"It's the 'if' part that concerns me." Jack looked around.

"Colonel?" Sam asked in concern.

"I don't know," Jack answered the implied question. "I just have a bad feeling about this place."

"You say that about a lot of planets," Sam chuckled.

"And notice how often I'm right."

"Jack?" The radio squawked in Daniel's voice. "We found something."

"What is it?"

"Ruins. An altar of sorts."

"All right, Carter and I are on our way."

"OK."

"Daniel?" Jack asked.

"Yeah?"

"Don't touch anything."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

Jack and Sam made their way down the path through the lush forest. It didn't take long for them to come to the ruins that Daniel had spoken of. Currently Daniel was in the ring of ruins trying to remove the dirt and moss that had collected on top of the oddly designed altar. Teal'c stood just outside the ruins with a look of general disapproval on his stoic face.

"Daniel...do my orders mean anything to you?" Jack sighed.

"Well, since I'm not in the Air Force...technically no, they don't," Daniel replied with a smug smile.

"So, what is this place?" Sam asked, before things could escalate between the two men.

"I'm not really sure, I haven't found any writing yet," Daniel admitted as he uncovered more of the altar's surface. "If I had to guess, I'd say it has some sort of religious function. It's close to the Stargate, yet seems to be isolated from any other structures. Perhaps it was used for sacrifices."

"Sacrifices?" Jack repeated. "As in **human**?"

"It would have been hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago."

"And that makes it OK?"

"No, it just makes **us** safe," Daniel replied, annoyed.

"Not if the Gou'ald decided to come back and open the place back up again."

"I can't imagine the Gou'ald having interest in this. So far, it's just a rock." Daniel pulled some more moss off. "Oh, wait...here's something."

"What is it?" Sam asked as she stepped up to the alter to see.

"Some sort of gem inlaid into the stone."

Jack rolled his eyes and joined Sam and Daniel. Teal'c remained at his post watching the forest with keen eyes. In an attempt to clean off the stone, Daniel rubbed his palm against it. He pulled back sharply when the stone depressed into the altar beneath his hand.

"Maybe I shouldn't have touched that."

"Ya thi..." Jack was cut off as an searing white light blinded him. A breath taking pain suddenly gripped his frame and threw him and the rest of the team violently back into darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

Jack opened his eyes and snapped them back shut with a groan. It was obscenely bright. He opened his eyes once more – more slowly this time – and was shocked to see everything stood out much more than it had a right to. He sat up, using his arms for support...or at least, he tried to. He looked down where his arms should have been and saw...

"Oh crap."

Sam sneezed as dust tickled her nose – and froze at the unusual sound that she heard. OK, fair enough, sneezes don't exactly make the most elegant of sounds, but this one sounded **too **inelegant. She struggled to her feet and looked down.

"Oh no."

Teal'c woke up with a start and reached for his staff weapon. Then he stopped. Whatever it was that was reaching for his weapon was **not** his hand! He looked down at the rest of his body, but, being Teal'c, said nothing. He merely raised a very hairy brow.

Daniel snapped his eyes open and looked up at the sky. Unsure of how long he'd been out, he sat up slowly. He instinctively started searching for his glasses. After finding them, he placed them back on their perch with some difficulty, before realising that he could see better without them. He shook his head to clear the last bit of muzziness as he stood and looked around. He fell back with a yelp as the form of one very irate, giant Bald Eagle appeared before him. Daniel shook his head again, but the apparition didn't disappear.

"I'm going to kill you," the large bird growled.

"W...what?" Daniel stuttered.

"You just **had** to touch, didn't you?"

"Jack?!"

"Y'know, I'm all for being patriotic...but this is taking things too far." Jack replied. "And just to be clear, the first person who calls me O'Neagle gets their eyes clawed out."

"What is going on?!" a female voice whinnied.

Daniel turned around and found a white horse with a blonde mane trotting over to them with a very confused look on her equine face.

"Sam?" Daniel asked incredulously. He looked down at his own hands and jerked back when he found they had become paws covered in a soft layer of red fur. Looking over his shoulder, he found a bushy red tail with a white tip. It thrashed restlessly behind him as if it had a mind of its own.

He heard a loud thump thump thump come from behind him and wasn't **too** startled to see an outsized bear bearing the symbol of Apophis and carrying a staff weapon in its mouth barrelling towards him. It came to a halt and spat out the weapon.

"Daniel Jackson, I believe we now know what the device does," the Teal'c-bear said. "The only question now is 'why'."

"No, the question now is 'how do we change ourselves back'?" Jack snapped with a click of his sharp beak.

"Uh...uh..." Daniel stuttered.

"Come on, Danny, foxes are supposed to be clever."

"Just let me think."

"Well, think fast," Jack huffed. "The sand is starting to chaff my tail feathers."

"Can you fly, sir?" Sam's sudden question had them all looking at her, then Daniel and Teal'c whipped their heads back to Jack.

"Uh..." The giant eagle looked stunned. "Maybe."

"I don't know, Sam," Daniel said thoughtfully. "He might be too heavy."

"Hey! Who're you calling fat?" Jack said, looking highly offended. "I know I enjoy the odd piece of cake, but..."

"I do not believe Daniel Jackson was negatively referring to your weight, O'Neill," opined Teal'c. "You are indeed larger than any species of bird I have ever seen. It may be that you are simply to large to fly."

Sam, Daniel and Jack looked startled. They were too caught up in the bizarreness of being animals to realise that they were still the same size as they normally were.

"Carter?" Jack asked, turning one fierce amber eye on his 2IC.

"Equal weight displacement," she said confidently.

"Meaning...?"

"I think that machine, although having the power to turn us into animals, couldn't change our physical dimensions. At least, not height-wise."

"Okaaaay," Jack drew out, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind that he still hadn't understood, although it was obvious Sam had dumbed it down as much as she could. "Well, that's all well and good, but my next burning question is: **can** I fly?"

"I don't know, sir," she admitted, nibbling on her lower lip. "The only way to know for sure is if you try it."

Jack looked at his team members and shrugged. "What the hell," he said. The others backed away and Jack flapped his wings.

"Wow, those wings are huge!" said Sam.

"He appears to have a wingspan of over twenty feet," stated Teal'c.

"That's big," Daniel agreed, shielding his eyes from the dust Jack was kicking up with his wings.

"I don't think this is working, Cartaaaaaaah!" Jack's comment disintegrated into a startled (but still manly) yell as he lifted off the ground and above the trees. "All right!! I'm flying!"

"What can you see, Jack?" Daniel yelled up to his airborne friend.

"Nothing good," was the grim reply. The joy that had been in Jack's voice when he realised he was indeed flying was gone. He landed in front of them with a soft whump.

"Sir?"

"Jack?"

"O'Neill?"

"Time to go, kids. We got company."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

Jack soared high, keeping an eye on his 'kids'. He was still amazed at his detailed vision, but at the moment his team's safety came first. They were running away from the unfriendlies, which was a good thing – until he realised that that said unfriendlies were herding SG-1 into a very large, very rocky corner.

"Carter!" he yelled, then stopped. Could he be understood by everyone, or just his team? When only the running animals responded to his call, he realised that their new 'playmates' couldn't understand English...or couldn't understand him. "Carter!" he yelled again. "Go left! GO LEFT!! There's a small stream – it leads to a gully you guys can hide in."

Sam veered left, and after a few more shouted directions from Jack, made it to the stream, where she stood, legs quivering and chest heaving, for her team mates to catch up. Daniel arrived next, and immediately started lapping up the water. Realising what a good idea that was, Sam followed suit. At last Teal'c showed up. As the biggest and heaviest, he had the hardest time navigating around the trees and logs in the forest. He skidded to a stop in the middle of the stream and dunked his whole head under.

Up above, Jack watched in some amusement as his Jaffa-Bear appeared to try and drown himself, but his attention was drawn away to some movement in the forest just to the east of his team.

"Heads up!" he called down. "Into the gully, guys! As in NOW!"

SG-1 quickly made their way through the stream, and rushed into the gully. Jack decided to try and distract their pursuers and gracefully wheeled about and flew at them, screeching as only a six foot plus eagle can – very VERY loudly!!

The natives – for that is what the pursuers were – looked up and aimed their bows and arrows straight at his chest.

'_Oh crap._' Jack quickly did an about turn that nearly tore his wings out of their sockets and flew straight up. Arrows whizzed past him, but with the luck that only fools and SG-1 seemed to enjoy, none hit. Jack was still outraged.

"Hey!" he yelled down at the uncomprehending natives. "You can't shoot me! I'm an endangered species!!" When they fired more arrows at him, he figured it was about time to haul tail. '_I'm off._' He flew low and fast, marvelling at his amazing flying instincts, and swooped into the gully hiding his team, startling both Daniel and Sam.

"Ah!" Sam reared back and flailed her deadly hooves. It was only the fact that Jack wasn't low enough for her to hit him that saved his life. He swooped around again and settled in front of her. "Oh. Hi, sir."

"'_Oh, **hi **sir_'?" Jack repeated incredulously. "Carter! You could've **killed** me!!"

"Sorry about that."

Jack had never seen a horse so thoroughly ashamed of itself. It would've been funny, if that horse wasn't supposed to be a human. He jumped as he heard – in quick succession – a snarl, a thump and a whimper. He looked at Sam, who was staring over his shoulder.

"Do I even want to know?" he sighed. Sam shook her head. "Didn't think so." Of course, he turned around anyway, and saw Teal'c holding down a struggling Daniel. "Uh...T?"

"Daniel Jackson tried to attack you, O'Neill," Teal'c informed him gravely. "I believe his animal instincts are hard for him to resist."

"Oh." Jack waddled forward, then stopped. "Y'know, you'd think for a magnificent specimen such as myself would have a more dignified walk."

Sam and Teal'c stared at him. Daniel had just tried to kill him, and he was worrying about the way he walked? Jack seemed unaware of their musings and waddled towards Daniel again, only pausing to glare at Sam as she tried (not-so-successfully) to stifle her giggles.

'_Knew I shouldn't said anything_,' Jack thought. Then he turned to face his snarling archaeologist. "Daniel! Snap out of it!"

Daniel merely struggled harder against Teal'c's bulk, trying to get to Jack. Jack sighed and looked at Teal'c.

"You're gonna have to...uh...sedate him, T." Teal'c inclined his shaggy head and gave Daniel a good solid tap between the eyes.

One last whimper and Daniel was out.

"So. Carter." Jack turned back to Sam. "What the hell was that about?"

"You mean Daniel?"

"Actually, no. Although I'd love to know what **that** was about too. I meant the natives. Did the Tok'ra mention anything about the rock being inhabited?"

"No sir," she admitted, chewing her bottom lip and looking very, well, stupid. Not that Jack would ever tell her that. "My guess would be that this device is supposed to deter trespassers to the planet. I would say the natives know better than to mess with it. Or they could just be homicidal. It's hard to tell."

"Perfect. Well, barring any bright ideas, I say we stay here until nightfall."

"Agreed," intoned Teal'c. "In any case, Daniel Jackson can go no further right now."

Jack started, a little guilty that he had already forgotten about his unconscious friend. "Good point."

...That night...

"Ughhh," ughhhed Daniel as he came to. "Ow."

"Daniel?" Jack kept his distance. "You OK?"

"Jack? What hit me?" Daniel tried to get up but the pain in his head dissuaded him from that notion.

"It was I, Daniel Jackson."

"...Why?"

"To prevent you from killing O'Neill."

"What? Oh. Fair enough. Oh yeah, I remember now. Jeez, Jack! A bird your size shouldn't be able to swoop so quietly! Or at all!"

"Daniel!" Sam came galloping into view. "Oh good. You're awake. Can we go home now?"

"Home?" Daniel said, shooting up and ignoring his head for the moment. "You can't mean returning to the SGC looking like **this**!"

"We haven't really got much of a choice, Daniel," Sam said regretfully. "We have to let the Hammond know what happened. Trust me, I don't like this anymore than you do."

"So, how are we gonna **get** home?" Daniel demanded. "We still need to get the GDOs and dial the Gate and send the code!!"

"Everything is right were we left it, Daniel," interjected Jack. "I saw our gear when I swept the area around the device while you were still dead to the world. And..."

"No, Jack. Don't say it. **Please** don't say it!"

"...I have a plan."

"Damn."

Actually, as far as plans go, Jack's was brilliantly simple. Or simply brilliant, which he much preferred. Jack could carry the GDOs, the others would carry their weapons and radios. Not that they'd be able to **use **them, but at least they wouldn't leave them behind. When they reached the Gate, Daniel would dial the SGC, and Teal'c would input the code to open the iris.

And when Jack saw the Tok'ra next, he would give them hell. Oh yes. And it would be sweet.

For the first time ever, the plan went off without a hitch. Earth was dialled, the code was sent (Jack would be forever amused at the sight of Teal'c using his huge bear clawtips to daintily press the buttons on the GDO) and Walter radioed through to let them know the iris was open.

"Right," said Jack grimly. "I'll go first."

There are no words to express the absolute dumbfoundedness of the assembled airmen in the Gate Room as Jack bird-walked his way through the Gate and down the ramp. Sam, Daniel and finally Teal'c followed. The wormhole closed and Hammond stood at the bottom of the ramp, facing his transfigured people.

"What the hell...?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

"What the hell?"

If the situation hadn't been what it was, Sam would have laughed. She had never seen the good General look so flummoxed – and the poor man had seen a lot.

"Uh... get Medical down here," Hammond suggested feebly a good few minutes later. Walter paged Janet, who arrived expecting the usual: one very banged-up SG-1. She stopped short when she saw the menagerie on the ramp, staring particularly at the gold symbol on the bear's forehead.

"General?" she said tentatively. "What's going on?"

"I wish I knew, doctor. These animals just came through with all of SG-1's GDOs, radios and weapons. As you can see, they look somewhat familiar."

"Yes. I **do** see. Um, how did it happen?"

"I wish I knew," Hammond said again. "I realise you're not a vet, doctor, but do you think you could test these...creatures...to make sure they're not a threat to anyone on the base?"

"Yes sir."

Janet slowly approached the quadrupedal team and placed her hands on Sam's neck, figuring that the horse should be the least dangerous of the lot.

"Come on."

Sam allowed herself to be led out, happy that she couldn't blush in this form. There was a small amount of sniggering in the background as Jack tried to walk in a more dignified manner, but they stopped as soon as he turned to glare at the assembled Airmen with one large amber eye.

"This is b **really** /b undignified!" growled Daniel as people congregated in the halls of the SGC to gawk at the over-large animals. Well, except Sam. She was actually a normal-sized horse.

"I know, Daniel. I know," sighed Jack.

"Are you not enjoying the power of your new body, O'Neill?" asked Teal'c contemplatively.

"No, Teal'c, I can't say that I am. Wait. You don't mean to say you **like** being a bear, do you?"

"Indeed. This body has far more power to it than my original form. I could do a great deal of damage to the Goa'uld with it."

"If you could fly with those dinner plates on the end of your arms, and if I thought those slimy snakes wouldn't shoot you on sight, I may be tempted to agree with you, T." Jack enjoyed a happy little image in his head of Apophis running scared as he and his new team wreaked havoc on his not-inconsiderable forces.

"Sir?"

He came back to the real world to notice that their little procession had halted. They were at the infirmary already, and with the sight of the room that he knew too well, came Hammond's words: "I know you're not a vet, doctor..."

"Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Janet hasn't had any vet training, has she?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"This is going to be uncomfortable." He reluctantly followed his team into the infirmary and firmly placed his back to the wall.

"Jack? What are you doing?" Daniel asked. Jack gave him his patented '_long-suffering colonel must deal with thick academic yet **again**_' look, which was far more impressive now.

"Daniel. Hammond said for the doc to make sure we're not dangerous to SGC personnel."

"Yes...?"

"And how do you think she's going to do that, Daniel?"

"Same as she does with people," Daniel shrugged.

"And how is that?"

Jack watched as Daniel thought about it, then... "Oh. No." With a whimper Daniel curled up into a very tight ball. Teal'c immediately sat down hard and looked like he'd bite the first person who tried to move him.

"Guys? What's going on?" Sam, busy looking at her teammates in puzzlement, didn't notice Janet edge behind her and lift her tail, until – **_AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!_**"

Jack, Daniel and Teal'c winced and huddled against the infirmary walls as Sam kicked out in every direction, trying her hardest to dislodge the thermometer Janet had just wedged up her rear end.

"Sam! Calm down!" Daniel ventured. She stopped thrashing about long enough to glare at him.

"Calm down? **Calm down?!**" she shrieked.

The humans all winced as the loud, shrill neighing blasted right in their ears. Janet took advantage of her momentary stillness to quickly pull out the thermometer.

"Ow!" Sam turned her head to glare at Janet before returning her attention to Daniel. "Daniel, this is all your fault. And trust me, you **will** pay."

Daniel cringed at the icy tone in her voice. It wasn't the first time he'd heard it, but it was the first time it had been directed at him. He hoped it never happened again.

"Right," said Janet, with nervous cheerfulness. "Who's next?"

An hour later all tests were done, and the four of them were being sheltered in the woods surrounding the base. Their behaviour in the infirmary had Janet convinced that they were indeed SG-1, but she thought she'd better have proof – if there was any to have – before she said that to the General, so she wished them luck and went back inside to complete her tests.

SG-1 lay in a clearing to properly discuss everything – namely, Jack and Sam loudly blamed Daniel. Teal'c, while of the opinion that Daniel was the cause of all this, didn't say much because he truly enjoyed being a bear. That is, of course, until Jack turned to him.

"Teal'c? Aren't you worried about what your family and the other Jaffa are going to say about this?"

"It has crossed my mind, O'Neill. However, it is possible it may never be a problem."

"And what happens if you pass Junior?"

"I am unfamiliar with this terminology, O'Neill."

"Pass? It means...uh...well...Daniel?"

Daniel was sulking and refused to help out, so Jack turned to Sam, who simply looked back at him.

"Sorry, sir. You're on your own here."

"Dammit. So much for a loyal and supporting team."

"You're telling me," grumbled Daniel.

Pointedly ignoring his now-bitter archaeologist, Jack sighed and turned back to Teal'c. "To pass something means that, well, it means that it be comes out the opposite end it goes in."

Teal'c looked slightly puzzled until Jack's meaning sank in.

"Daniel Jackson. I believe you had better return us to our original state as soon as possible."

He took a lumbering step towards Daniel, who let loose a small growl. Inclining his head, Teal'c sat back down, conceding to Daniel for this time.

"Maybe we should stop blaming Daniel – for now – and focus on the natives of that planet," suggested Sam. "We can keep blaming him when we're human."

"Deal," said Jack. "Well, I guess I got the best look at them."

"The **only** look, you mean," sniped Daniel.

"Yes, Daniel. That's exactly what I meant," replied Jack, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Thought so. Were they wearing clothes?"

"Yes, thankfully. They were all bright red and orange."

"Any scarring?"

"Yeah. That was odd, I thought. They had all these vertical scars going down their cheeks and some had them across their foreheads."

"Did they say anything? Any words jump out at you?"

"Well, that was weird too. They were all armed with bows and arrows and spears, but they kept shouting 'a gun! A gun!' Seemed like a gun was important to them. Good thing they never found ours." Jack looked at Daniel, and wasn't surprised to see that he was no longer sulking, but rather, deep in thought.

"'A gun'? They were saying 'a gun'?"

"Yeah. Or something like it."

Daniel closed his eyes, concentrating. 'A gun', scars across the face and bright, earth-toned clothing... "Yoruba."

"Eureka, Daniel. But you were close."

Daniel rolled his eyes at Sam and sighed. "Funny. The Yoruba are a fairly numerous people, somewhere between 12 and 15 million, and they occupy portions of south-west's Nigeria, Benin and Togo. They usually dress in the colours Jack described, they have sacrificial scarring down their cheeks, and they worship Ogun, their god of war. Did you notice anything else, Jack?"

"Well, they seemed pretty damn determined to get to us."

"That's not so unusual," Sam sighed. She started to say more, but was startled by Daniel scrambling to his feet.

"Of course! Why didn't I see it before?! A fox, a horse, a bear and an eagle!"

"Why was I last?" asked Jack, miffed. "And what are you on about?"

"Of all the gods of Yoruba religion, the most widely found and effective is Ogun, deity of iron and war and hunters, a kind of celestial Bismarck. The Yoruba sacrifice dogs to him, because they can help in hunting and war. Ogun's fierce character apparently betrays the human fact that we live off the destruction of others, and that a people safeguards its identity by making war on others. Think about it. We all became animals that can help in the hunt. Egyptians trained falcons and hawks for hunting – you're an eagle. The Yoruba sacrifice dogs to Ogun – I'm a fox. Horses were the prime war transportation – look at Sam!"

"And Teal'c?"

"Jack, Teal'c's a grizzly bear. Who in their right mind is going to mess with a grizzly?"

"Good point."

"Wait, so you're saying that had the Yoruba – or whoever those guys were – if they'd caught us, we'd be sacrificed by now?" Sam demanded, looking disgusted.

"No –"

Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

"– Only me," Daniel continued, as if he hadn't heard her sigh. "They would have tried to domesticate you and Jack, and ... well, I can't say for sure, but they probably would've tried to eat Teal'c."

She looked like she was going to be sick. "**Eat** Teal'c?"

"Yep."

"Well, that makes our decision easy. Let's never go back there," said Jack brightly.

"Then how are we to fix things, O'Neill?" demanded Teal'c. Jack looked stumped.

"Uh...let's eat first, fix later."

As if they had read his mind, five Airmen approached. Two were holding a bale of hay, which they deposited in front of Sam.

"Oh, you're kidding!" she whinnied. "**Hay?**"

In front of Jack and Teal'c, two more Airmen placed platters of raw fish.

"Fish? **Raw** fish?"

"You never eat sushi before, Jack?" Daniel grinned at the disgust in his friend's voice.

"Sure. It's nice. Raw fish. Yum."

"I prefer it cooked," intoned Teal'c.

"Sorry, Teal'c. I don't think the bear would agree," grimaced Sam around a mouthful of hay.

Daniel – much to the others' disgruntlement - was served a nice hot dinner.

"Roast pork! Yum!" He either didn't notice or chose to ignore he was the only one with any enthusiasm for his dinner and dug right in.

"How is it you get decent food?" Jack snapped, "and the rest of us are stuck with **this**?"

Daniel shrugged. "Guess my digestive system can handle it better."

"And on the day the words 'flimsy excuse' were reinvented," said Sam grumpily, "we all stood around in awe and watched."

Daniel stared at Sam, not used to hearing her in this kind of mood. "I think I should go now."

He left the clearing and the others could hear him mutter to himself as branches and brambles snagged at his fur.

"ARGH!" There was an unpleasant snap and then... "**OW!**"

Sam and Teal'c exchanged looks and left Jack to go after Daniel. They found him lying at the bottom of a sizeable hill that had been covered in branches a moment before. Now they were all around Daniel – to the sides, underneath and some were even covering his lower legs. Teal'c gingerly made his way down to Daniel and crouched down beside him. "Can you walk, Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel seemed to be giving this consideration. Then he said, with a faint look of surprise, "Actually. No."

Sam couldn't hear them, so she called down "Daniel – are you all right?"

"Got the wind knocked out of me," he replied. He started to lift himself up and winced. "Oh. And my leg's broken."

"Broken? Are you sure? Does it hurt?" she asked, worried. Daniel shot her a look.

"No, it feels great," he replied.

Sam had the grace to look embarrassed. "Stay here! I'll get the Airmen." She took off as fast as she dared. Ten minutes later she appeared, dragging one of the Airmen by his collar. Neither looked like they were enjoying the experience. The others had followed, and Jack's complaints of being left behind followed them quite clearly.

A couple of the Airmen stayed with Daniel while the others went off to get a stretcher. Janet arrived with them and gently smoothed the fur between Daniel's eyes before inspecting his broken lower limb.

"All right, take him back to the infirmary. I'll set the break there."

They carried Daniel back past Jack, who waddled up to apologise, but Daniel determinedly ignored him.

"Why are you pretending that I'm not here?" snapped Jack finally.

"Wishful thinking?" Daniel suggested.

"I think he's upset because you made him think he had to leave," Sam whispered.

"Oh."

They watched in silence as Daniel was carried inside the SGC, the dinner dishes were collected and they were left alone. Finally, Sam lowered herself to the ground and sighed.

"Let's hope tomorrow turns out a little better. Night, guys." She closed her eyes.

"Night Carter, T."

"Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

Janet stared in sad disbelief at the printout in front of her. "Are you sure?" she asked the nurse in front of her.

The nurse nodded. "We ran the test twice for each of them," she affirmed. "Doctor…those animals are **definitely **SG-1."

"General Hammond isn't going to like this. I think he was hoping the similarities were pure coincidence. If it was anyone else other than SG-1, it would have been."

The nurse was prevented from answering as a low whine reached their ears. Janet jumped up and rushed over to the bed where the foxy archaeologist lay.

"Daniel?" she murmured, soothing the fur between his ears. He thumped his tail once and opened his eyes, taking a good look at his paws, which lay in front of him, and the looked sorrowfully back up at Janet. "Sorry, Daniel. It's not a dream. It's too bad you can't tell me how it happened. No! Don't tr…"

Daniel yelped as he tried to move his injured leg. Janet sighed.

"I tried to warn you."

"Dr Frasier? General Hammond is on the line."

Janet looked up from Daniel to the male nurse holding out the Infirmary's phone before crossing the room and taking it from him.

"Yes, General?"

Hammond cut straight to the chase. "Doctor, have you been able to determine what the connection between the animals and SG-1 are yet?"

"Yes sir. But you won't like it."

"I hate it already, Doctor. Tell me."

"Sir… 'those animals' **are** SG-1."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes sir."

"This is going to be difficult to explain to the President."

Janet didn't respond. She had the feeling the General hadn't been talking to her.

"Keep me posted, Doctor."

"Yes sir."

Hammond hung up and rubbed his face with his hands. With a look of deepest resignation, he reached out to his red phone and dialled the White House.

* * *

Outside, Jack, Sam and Teal'c woke up feeling rather uncomfortable. Sam especially didn't sleep well, although she knew that, as a horse (and therefore a prey animal) she wasn't going to get much sleep with a pair of predators around, as her animal instincts were now to keep a constant eye out for danger. That, and she wasn't used to sleeping while standing up. 

Typically, Jack's first comments for the day were complaints. Sam and Teal'c – having had several years of practice by now – tuned him out and looked around at the clearing.

"Y'know," Jack was saying. "I was really hoping this was all a bad dream – that I'd wake up this morning and have arms and no feathers."

"I know what you mean," said Sam, snapping back to reality. "I wonder how Daniel's doing."

"Better than us, that's for sure," Jack griped.

"How'd you reached **that** conclusion?"

"He slept indoors and had roast pork for dinner last night."

"He broke his leg!"

"That was **after** the roast," Jack pouted. "It's not fair."

"I believe we are about to be served breakfast," Teal'c said, speaking for the first time that morning.

"Goody," muttered Jack and Sam sarcastically, certain they knew what was coming. Sure enough, more hay was placed in front of Sam, although it was laced with fresh grass.

"I hate this diet," she muttered.

Jack and Teal'c, on the other hand, both got an entire lamb each.

"I thought we discovered fire," Jack said, trying to avoid looking at the raw meal in front of him.

Sam looked on with an expression of complete revulsion. "That is disgusting," she winced. "Maybe hay isn't so bad after all."

Teal'c looked up from his breakfast. "Are you not going to eat, O'Neill?"

Jack stared at him, startled. "Teal'c! **Tell **me you're not enjoying that!"

"Indeed I am. It brings to mind my early training with Master Bra'tac."

The Airmen who had brought SG-1 their breakfast were as disgusted as Sam and Jack, but far worse at hiding it. Two couldn't contain their own breakfasts as Jack began to tear bloody strips off the lamb carcass. The others hastily left the clearing as Jack and Teal'c hastily gobbled up their breakfasts – Jack with his eyes closed the entire time.

* * *

As the Airmen who had brought their food dragged away the leftovers, Janet came walking into the clearing. The three transformed SG-1 members immediately swung around to face her, scrutinising her carefully to make sure she wasn't carrying any concealed "medical" equipment to use on them. Janet laughed. 

"Relax, guys. All the tests have been done. Actually, Sam, General Hammond wants to know if your cognitive processes have been impaired by the transformation."

Jack gave bald eagles everywhere a bad name by looking stumped. Sam just shook her head.

"So you just can't talk."

Sam nodded.

"OK. That's a good sign," Janet said briskly. She walked up to Sam and placed her hand on Sam's neck. "Don't worry, Sam. Daniel's working on figuring this out, I just know it. But he could probably use your help. Think you're up to it?"

Sam nodded her head so vigorously her mane was flying everywhere. Janet laughed again.

"That's a **very** good sign. Come on, guys. Hammond wants to speak to you." She led SG-1 through to a small dirt road, where both Hammond and Daniel were waiting.

"Colonel O'Ne-," the General began, but stopped when he actually looked at Jack. He took a breath and started again. "Colonel O'Neill. I don't have to say what a problem this is. I can only hope that Major Carter and Dr Jackson find a way to fix this."

"Don't we all," sighed Jack.

Hammond gave him an odd look for a moment, trying to gauge whether Jack was being serious or sarcastic. He half-shrugged and turned his attention to Janet. "Doctor, can you tell me whether or not this…**incident**…has affected their thinking processes?"

"It hasn't, sir. Underneath the new exterior, they're still the same SG-1."

"Well then. We'll try to rustle up something for you and Dr Jackson to use a computer with, Major."

Sam whinnied her thanks and Hammond turned away to head back to the complex, before catching sight of a bit of blood around Teal'c's muzzle.

"Oh. And let's try to give these guys something more palatable, Doctor," he added to Janet. "I don't really want to keep feeding them raw meat."

"Yes sir," she smiled.

"**Yes!**" Jack cheered.

* * *

…A few days later… 

Sgt's Walter Harriman and Sly Siler were in the Control Room staring idly at the Stargate. There were currently four teams off-world, but what they were both dwelling on was SG-1's latest mishap.

"Did Major Carter and Dr Jackson get their modified keyboards yet?" asked Walter.

"Yeah, they came in this morning," was the reply. "Coffee?"

"Sure."

Just as Siler got up to pour out some fresh coffee, there was the resounding sound of _clop, clop, clop_ as Sam entered the Gate Room and looked up into the Control Room.

"Siler? I need your help," she called, forgetting momentarily that he couldn't understand her. Siler and Walter looked down in confusement. Sam looked back up and remembered. _Oh crap._ She turned and walked out.

"What do you think she wanted?" Siler asked.

"I think she was looking at you," Walter said. "Maybe you should go see what she wanted?"

"Yeah. Guess the coffee will have to wait." Siler took off after the equine Major.

It took him close to ten minutes to find Sam, which was odd, because she was right were she would have been if she were still human – her lab.

"Uh, Major Carter? Did you need help with anything?"

With a look that was both relieved and slightly annoyed, Sam tossed her head in the direction of her new keyboard. Some helpful person had taken it out of the box for her, but didn't set it up. She couldn't keep asking Janet – Daniel's leg was still broken, and he needed constant care as (most unfortunately in the opinion of **everyone** at the SGC) SG-1 couldn't use the bathrooms anymore, and he couldn't make it topside to answer Nature's calls. Fortunately, Siler understood what the problem was this time, and in a matter of minutes, Sam's new keyboard was hooked up and working fine.

"Thanks," she said sincerely.

Siler took the neighing he heard the way it was intended, and replied "you're welcome." He turned and left, partially closing the door behind him.

Sam sighed as she stared down at her new keyboard. It resembled a dancepad more than anything else; she would have to step on each letter to type anything. Sighing again, she hoped Daniel would be up and about soon – she wanted her old body back.

* * *

…Two weeks in… 

Daniel was now (more or less) up and about and was using all the time Janet would let him trying to find a way to reverse his mistake.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

Teal'c approach was unmistakeable, and Daniel allowed himself a small smile before turning around.

"Teal'c," he greeted as the Jaffa-Bear walked in.

"Daniel Jackson," replied Teal'c gravely, inclining his head. "Have you made any progress?"

"Not yet," Daniel sighed. "This is really impossible, you know? I mean, I know a bit about Ogun, but there aren't any references in any Goa'uld text that I can find that mentions him as a System Lord."

"That is indeed unfortunate. O'Neill is becoming quite unbearable."

Daniel's muzzle…quirked…sort of. "Teal'c, was that a pun?"

"I am unaware of this term, Daniel Jackson. What is a pun?"

"A pun is the lowest form of humour, when you don't think of it first," Daniel said, repeating something his mother had always told him. Teal'c's confused look prompted him to elaborate. "A pun is a play on words. You're a bear, you said Jack is becoming un**bear**able, get it?"

Teal'c's raised eyebrow – all he had to do to show his disdain for this poor example of Earth humour. Daniel sobered up.

"I think, Teal'c, I may have to call in someone with expertise on African religions."

"I believe **you** are an expert on such things, Daniel Jackson."

"Oh, I am," Daniel assured him with no false modesty. "But my focus was Egyptology. The others, while I'm familiar with them, aren't something I ever felt the need to study, and – to be honest with you – I don't feel like spending a lot of time learning about them when I can call in an expert and have this whole mess sorted out sooner."

"I understand," Teal'c said solemnly. "I will go back to the surface and keep O'Neill company."

"Why don't you two go fishing?" Daniel suggested. Teal'c gave him a "you did **not** just say that" look. "I'm serious. Eagles and bears are natural fishers. And it might keep Jack occupied for a while."

Teal'c considered this, inclined his head again and thudded away. Daniel decided to go see if Sam had had any luck figuring out how to reverse the problem. He dashed off a quick email to General Hammond, requesting an expert on Africa, and then padded down the halls and peered into her lab.

"Sam?"

The white horse turned around and then back to her computer screen. "Hi Daniel. What's up?"

Daniel walked in, nuzzling the door mostly closed on his way over to Sam. "Actually, I was about to ask you the same thing. Any luck?"

"No. And I hate this keypad." She sounded thoroughly put out – something Daniel could commiserate with. But before he could say a word, voices floated in through the crack in the doorway.

"I'm telling you, Walter. It's the most bizarre thing you'll ever see. A horse on a dancepad."

"Sly, I'm not arguing with you. I saw Dr Jackson this morning prancing around in his office. I almost choked on my doughnut."

"And have you noticed the smell? At least the Colonel and Teal'c stay outside, mostly."

"I know. The General's getting testy. He wants them to bathe. Soon."

Walter and Siler's voices faded as they walked away Sam's lab, not realising that both Sam and Daniel were inside and possessing of a burning need to punish someone (or more) for their misfortune. As identical evil grins spread over their faces, Daniel and Sam realised that Walter and Siler had just nominated themselves.

"Wait. Bathe?" said Sam.

"We can't," replied Daniel. "We don't have any hands!"

They thought about it for a minute.

"Oh. **Hell.** No!!" growled Daniel.

"They **wouldn't**…would they?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

Teal'c lumbered into view and stopped in front of Jack. 

"O'Neill," he said. "Daniel Jackson has suggested that we go fishing."

Jack's head whipped around and he turned a large amber eye on his teammate. "Really?" he sounded rather hopeful.

"Indeed. He has pointed out that both our current forms are natural fishers, and feels we would both benefit from the activity."

"**Sweet.**"

Teal'c had a look on his face that seemed to reflect long-suffering, but Jack shrugged it off as something new occurred to him.

"Hey, T? You know you're looking kinda…**tatty****."**

"Tatty?"

"Yeah. You need a bath, buddy."

"I have heard SGC personnel making similar remarks, O'Neill, but I do not wish to discuss my current state of hygiene."

"Fair enough. Well, there's a river nearby – let's go fishing!!"

Sam clip-clopped her way to Daniel's office, nudging the door open with her head. "Daniel?"

"Here." Daniel was at his computer, front paws speedily pressing away at his keyboard.

"What're you doing? Figured out how to get us out of this mess?"

"Nope. I'm actually sending a request to Hammond to bring in Ron Ahya."

"And who is Ron Ahya?"

"Dr Ahya is an old friend of mine, and is also one of the foremost experts on African dialects. I'm hoping that Hammond will let me bring him and then let us go through the Gate to see if we can figure out why we were turned into animals at all, and how to turn us back."

Sam was relieved to hear that. "Sounds good. Let's hope Hammond agrees."

* * *

"Dr Frasier, please come and see me in my office," Hammond said over the phone. He hung up, re-read Daniel's request, and sighed. He really wanted this solved without any outside interference.

A few minutes later there was a smart rap on his door, and Janet poked her head in. "General?"

"Doctor. Come in." He waited until Janet had seated herself before him before handing over the printed email. "Dr Jackson has just asked that he be allowed to bring in an outsider to help resolve this mess, which I understand to mean that neither he nor Major Carter are any closer to a solution than they were when they got here. I was hoping you had a different answer for me."

Janet sighed. "Sorry, sir. I don't," she answered. "And if neither Sam or Daniel have been able to come up with even part of an answer by now, I honestly believe that this Dr Ahya should be brought in."

Hammond sighed again. "Thank you, Doctor."

Janet nodded, placed the sheet of paper onto the desk and left the office.

"Sergeant," Hammond called through the open door. Walter poked his head in.

"Yes sir?"

Hammond got up, walked around the desk, picked up Daniel's request and handed it over. "Contact this Dr Ahya and get him here as soon as you can."

"Yes sir."

* * *

…The next morning… 

Jack slowly woke up, and opened his eyes. "Aah!" he shouted. He was faced with Airman Jefferson, who was armed with a sponge on a stick. Jefferson flinched – he wasn't used to 6ft bald eagles screeching in his face.

"Colonel, relax, please!" he said. "General Hammond has ordered that SG-1 be bathed."

"**What?!**" Sam's sudden whinny of outrage blasted their ears. "He **did?**"

"Carter? You know something about this?" Jack questioned, trying to shuffle out of Jefferson's reach.

"Daniel and I heard Harriman and Siler talking about it yesterday, sir. We didn't think that Hammond would actually go through with it."

"Obviously he did," sniped Jack.

"Talk about humiliating," Sam rejoined.

"Oi! Back off!" Jack snapped at the Airman, who kept trying to sponge him down. Jack was starting to wonder if Jefferson's enthusiasm was merely part of his job, or something else…something he didn't want to think about… Jefferson, however, wasn't deterred – probably because he didn't know what was going through Jack's mind – and kept trying to wash his superior officer.

"Sir, it's OK," he said soothingly. "There's no soap here – just warm water, so your feathers are safe and it will help to relax your muscles. Dr Frasier is coming by soon to show you how to preen."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Jack demanded of Sam and Teal'c. "Because it **really **doesn't."

"I know how you feel, sir. Believe me, I know," Sam replied as she was being led away by a female Airman for some privacy. "But if Hammond's ordered it, they're only doing their jobs."

"Teal'c? Help me out here, buddy."

"I am afraid I cannot, O'Neill," Teal'c said gravely. "General Hammond's orders are for the well-being of SG-1 as well as SGC personnel. As distasteful as I personally may find it, I see no good reason not to comply."

"I was afraid you were gonna say that," Jack grumbled, finally holding still and allowing Jefferson to sponge his shoulder blades.

* * *

…Two days later… 

Daniel was in his office, still puzzling over Ogun and his followers, when his door opened and Hammond walked in, followed by a short, red-haired man.

"Dr Jackson?" Hammond said. "This is Dr Ron Ahya. He has been briefed as to the situation, and has been granted security clearance to know what goes on around here at the SGC… but only insofar as it pertains to your current predicament." He turned, nodded at Ahya and walked away.

"Nice doggy," said Ahya absent-mindedly in a soft, British accent as he looked around the office. "Where is your master, hmmm?"

Daniel was stunned. Obviously no one had thought to brief Dr Ahya on the **entire** situation. _Well done,_ he thought bitterly at Hammond and all those under his command. _Thanks so much!_ He sighed and moved over to his keypad.

_Ron,_ he typed. _I __**am**__ Daniel._

"I beg your pardon?" Ahya said in disbelief. "You expect me to believe that? Why, you're nothing but a dog! … Would you listen to me. I'm arguing with a dog. Clever trick, but, teaching you to type."

_I'm a fox, actually. Please listen, Ron. Or read. Whatever. My name is Daniel Jackson. I am an archaeologist in the employ of the USAF. I am actually part of a team that regularly travels to other planets via a device called the Stargate. On such an expedition, my teammates and I were turned into animals. The native inhabitants of the planet worship the god Ogun. Are you with me so far?_

"Scarily, yes."

_Good. Now, what we need **you** to do is come with me through the Gate to that planet and try and communicate with the natives. OK?_

"Not really, no."

Daniel tilted his head and whined inquisitively.

"You expect me to travel through this…this…**Stargate** thing, to another planet no less, and attempt communication with people who can turn others into animals? Assuming I believe all this, do I look like an idiot to you?"

_No, Ron, you don't. And I know you're not. But I **am** telling you the truth. And anyway, it's not the people themselves who did this, but some advanced piece of technology left behind by another, more advanced culture. We don't need to look at that, we don't even have to go anywhere **near** it, but we do need to talk these people. I'm hoping that others have visited their planet before and have somehow managed to reverse the effects. Maybe they can tell us how it's done, even if they don't understand the process._

"Oh. Is there no other way?"

_If there is, the brightest minds on this planet haven't been able to figure it out._

"Not exactly encouraging, that, is it?"

_Not really, no._ Daniel echoed Ahya's earlier words back at him, causing his old friend to smile wryly.

"When do we leave?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I _still_ don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!

* * *

…Back on Planet, um, P3X-747. Yeah…

"Don't you understand?" pleaded Ahya. "This is **important!** It's vital that these people be allowed to change back to their original form."

"We are not responsible for that," the elder responded grimly. "These people, this SG-1, they have trespassed on Ogun's sacred land and must deal with the consequences."

It was two hours after they had arrived on P3X-747, and Ahya had made very little progress with the leader of the natives. Daniel wasn't too worried about that, despite the fact that he could follow very little of the conversation – he knew from experience how long negotiations could take. Unfortunately, it didn't seem that Ron was going to be making headway any time soon.

"But SG-1 didn't **know** they were on sacred ground."

"That is nothing to do with us. Ogun's word is law. His word says that all trespassers must be punished – and so they are."

"But what about me?" Ahya argued. "I have not been changed, and I am from the same place as SG-1. Why would Ogun not obey his own rules?" He had gone too far.

"It is not your place – nor ours – to question Ogun's will!!" the elder roared. "You and the dog will return to your homes, and never bother us again!!"

"No!" Ahya snapped. "We **will **leave you in peace – indeed, never to return again – only when SG-1 has been returned to their original forms!!"

The village leader scowled and advanced upon Ahya. Daniel leapt in between them, his teeth bared as he growled his displeasure at the action. The elder stopped short, hesitant to antagonise an animal with human intelligence.

"You say you will leave, never to return?" he asked Ahya.

"Daniel, settle down," Ahya murmured. "That is correct," he said to the elder.

"Then we will show you the writings," muttered the elder, clearly displeased at having to back down.

"First, we must contact our people. They will need to send the rest of SG-1 through. Then, once they are back to normal, we will leave, and not return." Ahya didn't think he'd have to work very hard to get Daniel to agree with the arrangement – and would have even less trouble convincing General Hammond.

"Fine. My warriors will escort you to the Travelling Ring."

As they left the village, Daniel whined softly and nosed Ahya's hand. _What's going on?_ he tried to thought-project. Amazingly, it seemed to work.

"The elder has agreed to show us "writings" that will – hopefully – tell us how to get you back to normal."

_What's the catch?_ Daniel thought darkly.

Ahya seemed unaware of Daniel's suspicions, though, and continued the journey back to the Stargate in silence. Once there, Daniel once again dialled home and Ahya quickly relayed the request for the rest of SG-1 to get back to the planet. In a matter of minutes, Jack, Teal'c and Sam were back where their own special nightmare had begun.

"I swear," grumbled Jack. "After all the indignities I've suffered, first think I'm gonna do when I get home is drink lots and lots of beer. Then I can blame the whole thing on drunken hallucinations."

Sam grinned to herself, and didn't bother pointing out that he'd then have to fill out paperwork with a hang-over. All she wanted to do was shower (alone, thank you very much!) and sleep. Maybe eat some pizza. Or have some steak. Lots and lots of meat. That sounded really good right about now.

"Daniel Jackson. Do you believe Dr Ahya has worked out a favourable solution to our current problem?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah, Teal'c. I do. Ron's a good guy. I don't know what he agreed to exactly, but you guys wouldn't be here if he didn't have at least a **chance **of getting us back to normal."

* * *

…Three hours later…

"How much longer is this going to **take?**" Jack demanded. "I'm so bored! And I don't trust these guys."

"They don't trust **us** either, Jack," Daniel pointed out wearily. "Just let Ron work things out."

Twenty minutes later, and Daniel was starting to question whether or not there was anything useful in the scraps of parchment the elder had given Ron, when said doctor jumped up happily, grasping the notebook in which he had been taking notes.

"Yes! I've got it!! Sorry about the wait, chaps – the condition of these things is **dreadful, **all smudged and spilt on, but still quite priceless as historical documents… but anyway, we need to go back to the device that switched you to start with." He turned to the watching elders.

"We need access to the altar," he said firmly.

"Very well," the elder said. "Warriors! Take them to the altar. Be wary of treachery."

The warriors shook their spears and shields in salute and tried to herd Ahya and SG-1 away.

"They're taking us to the altar now," Ahya explained calmly when SG-1 refused to budge. "Unless you want to stay like this, I suggest you go with us."

Jack glared at Ahya and the natives of P3X-747. "I'm flying," he said with a note of finality, and began to flap his wings. The assembled warriors aimed their weapons at him.

"No!!" Ahya yelled. "He will get there much faster by air. Now, please, clear a space for his wings."

At a nod from the elder, the warriors crowded back, and Jack was able to take off. Daniel, Sam and Teal'c meekly followed Ahya and the native warriors on the ground.

* * *

"What took you guys so long?" Jack joked as the earth-bound procession made its way into the clearing. Ahya immediately began to clear more moss away from the altar, uncovering as he did many more gems that were inlaid into it. Constantly referring to his notes, he pressed several of them into the stone, and passed over others.

"Funny, Jack," growled Daniel, but as Jack was in a much better mood for having flown for a bit, he wasn't actually offended. Jack opened his mouth to respond, but his playful banter was interrupted by Dr Ahya's soft voice.

"OK. Um, now you each need to be in contact with the altar." SG-1 crowded around the altar, making sure to have paw, claw, hoof and wing-tip touching it. "Daniel, you were the one that set the device off, am I right?"

Daniel nodded once, shortly.

"Right. Then you should be the one to press the button again." Ahya looked over at the assembled warriors. "Please stand back," he said in an authoritative tone. "I don't want you to be caught in whatever might happen."

Following his own advice, he made sure he was standing a very respectful distance away from the altar. "OK Daniel. Whenever you're ready."

Daniel was more than ready. He immediately pressed the button that had gotten them into this mess and was immediately assaulted with the same searing white light and breathtaking pain that had occurred before.

_Hope this worked,_ was his last thought before darkness took him.

* * *

"Jack?" Daniel groaned as he sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Everything was fuzzy. "Did it work?"

"Urk," was Jack's reply.

"Daniel? How do you feel?" Ron Ahya's gentle voice broke in.

"Like I've been hit over the head with a sledgehammer," was the archaeologist's reply.

"I'm sure that will pass," laughed Ahya. "But to answer your question: it worked."

"**Whoo-**_**hoo!!!**_" came Jack's infinitely more enthusiastic response.

"Now you must leave," said one of the warriors. "Or we will kill you."

"Right," said Ahya hastily. "Um, guys? We have to leave now."

"Whaddya mean, 'we have to leave now'?" Jack snarled. "I want some payback!"

"That was the deal," Ahya explained, trying to keep calm. "I was allowed to return you back to normal, and in return we were to leave this planet and never come back. Besides, you're unarmed and outnumbered. They're not. Do you really want to start a fight right now?"

"Right," Jack mumbled. The four Earthlings and sole Jaffa began their way back to the Gate.

"Besides," Daniel chipped in as they walked. "Technically, it's the Tok'ra who wanted us here."

"… That's a very good point, Daniel," Jack agreed. "And I say we give them a favourable report, hmm?"

"Sir?" Sam looked at Jack uncertainly. "A favourable report?"

"That's right, Carter. A favourable report. They want this planet so bad, I say we let them have it."

* * *

…Back at the SGC…

"Colonel O'Neill! Welcome back!" Hammond greeted cheerfully. "I trust everything is back to normal now?"

"Oh, yes sir," Jack replied. "I can't wait to give the Tok'ra my report!"

Hammond paused, unused to seeing his cynical 2IC in such a chipper mood. "Right. Well, you know the drill. Infirmary."

"Yes sir!" Jack walked down the corridors, humming merrily away to himself. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c exchanged glances, and smiled conspiratorially. Ahya decided he didn't want to know.

That night, after a day of playing catch-up properly with Daniel, Ron Ahya went back to his work outside the SGC, having declined an invitation to work there. He just didn't think he could handle what Daniel assured him were "common-place occurrences" like the one he had helped to resolve.

* * *

…A few days later…

"Ugh!!" was the universal cry of the SGC. Well, actually, it was only two sergeants and an Airman, but they made enough of a fuss.

"This coffee is decaf! And there's no sugar!" Sergeant Walter Harriman bemoaned during the night watch. "Ugh!!"

"My wrench! Where the hell's my wrench?!" yelled Sergeant Sly Siler. "And what's this slimy gunk on the rest of my tools? Ugh!!"

"Why am **I** the one to clean up after SG-1?" griped Airman Jefferson. "**They **made the mess! Ugh!!"

Four very satisfied people ate their desserts in silence.

* * *

…Sometime during the following week…

"SG-1. Please report to the Briefing Room."

Daniel, Jack, Sam and Teal'c walked in to find three members of the Tok'ra. Two were highly agitated, and – Jack noted smugly – looked ready to blow a fuse. The third was holding a box in his hands, and looked deeply disgusted. Behind them, Hammond looked like he was desperately trying to suppress a smile.

"Colonel O'Neill," said the one holding the box. "Do you know the meaning of this?" He tipped the box, and out spilt three rodents – a chinchilla, a spotted paca and (_ew!_ thought Jack) a naked mole rat.

"Nope. Sorry. Why would I know anything about rodents?"

"These are the Tok'ra who went to the planet you designated P3X-747. I was there also, and saw them being transformed into these…these…_creatures_. Your reports mentioned only human natives – they did not detail any technologies found on the planet."

"Well," Jack said easily. "We didn't really get the chance to explore the entire planet. Easy for us to have missed something. If that's all, sir?" This last bit was directed at Hammond, who merely nodded.

SG-1 turned and left the Briefing Room. They made it to the – mercifully empty – elevator before three quarters of them began laughing fit to kill.

Ah, sweet revenge.


End file.
